'Self's the Man' by Phillip Larkin

'Self's the Man' is quite a colloquial poem, using quite jolly and joking language to discuss the contrast between the speaker and Arnold's life choices.

It seems that the poem is answering a previous statement of telling the speaker that he's more selfish than Arnold, as the opening line is "Oh, no one can deny that Arnold is less selfish than I". This statement seems sarcastic, particularly because of the "oh" at the beginning making it informal. It's suggested that Arnold is considered less selfish than the speaker because he has a wife and family whereas presumably the speaker only has to look after himself. Arnold "married a woman to stop her getting away" but "now she's there all day" these two are extremes, all or nothing but neither seems to be portrayed as positive. Before, the "woman" was getting away, showing freedom, yet marriage has stopped her from doing that, suggesting that the speaker thinks marriages are traps. Arnold's wife being called "woman" seems a bit distant, rather than being called by her name, perhaps suggesting the speaker thinks the situation would be the same with Arnold and any woman, generalising woman implying they're no different to one another also seems sexist.

It's suggested that the speaker thinks following the tradition of getting married and making a family is "wasting...life". Arnold's wife "takes (his money) as her perk" suggesting that she's selfish, but also that Arnold is providing for his whole family, not just himself, so he has to share everything he works for, unlike the speaker. The "kiddies' clobber" is portrayed as unnecessary by the speaker, implying again, a negative opinion of marriage and having children.

Arnold has "no time at all" for himself, suggesting he's selfless. Even when "he finishes supper" which is very late on in the day and wants to relax reading the "even paper" he has to "put a screw in the wall" implying that the marriage is about pleasing his family, not about what makes him happy and that it's like a chore. It also emphasises the loss of freedom and independence when married with children. Even though the speaker suggests he'd be unhappy with Arnold's life, we're unaware whether Arnold is happy or not as it seems only the negative sides of marriage are described and the positives are ignored. But maybe, Arnold thinks marriage is worth the sacrifices, unlike the speaker.

The speaker shows how Arnold may feel obliged to welcome "her mother" to "come for the summer" suggesting that marriage is stressful and pressured, as well as being repetitive and boring, creating an undesirable image of marriage.The speaker almost started to feel guilt when he "compare(d)" Arnold's and his life, making him feel like a "swine" because he thinks his life is so much better and sympathises for Arnold because of being trapped in a marriage.

However, in the sixth stanza the speaker has a change of heart and decides that Arnold is in fact selfish as " he was out for his own ends". The speaker starts to decide that there isn't such a "contrast" between him and Arnold, suggesting they're both equally as selfish because they both chose to have their life that way.

The speaker said that he has "a better hand at knowing what (he) can stand", suggesting he thinks he has made better life choices than Arnold and that Arnold isn't coping well with the pressures of marriage. This emphasises how it's important to think carefully about life choices as eventually you become trapped in them. Also, because the way Arnold and the speaker's life is, is out of choice and may be a "mistake", neither should moan because it was for their "own sake". The final two lines about them "sending a van" is perhaps suggesting that if the wrong life choices are made, you could be sent off in a van because you've gone insane, or perhaps it's suggesting that the life choices which are made result in who we are when we die and the "van" represents an ambulance, taking them away because they've died. The themes of loss of freedom because of marriage and the importance of life choices reminds me very much of Dockery and Son, also Here because the speaker seems satisfied with being alone.